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Wed., Sep. 2
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Babelfish: News release edition


Check out this whopper of news-release-speak via SUNY, about the upcoming departure of SUNY Canton's president:
"On June 15, the SUNY Board of Trustees passed a resolution directing the Chancellor to promote collaboration among the system's state-operated campuses and implement strategies to improve efficiency, generate cost savings, build capacity, and expand student services through the use of shared administrative functions, procurement opportunities, and realignment of academic program offerings."
Let's go through the terms, in this, my own Rosetta Stone of spin:
promote collaboration
Synonyms: consolidate, cut (pej.)
What they're really trying to say: The state's broke. Come on, people. Work together so we don't have to pay as many of you.
implement strategies
Synonym: do stuff.
generate cost savings
Synonym: save money.
build capacity
Definition: unknown. News release scholars surmise that this bit of dialect means, "Since we'll save money by not having to pay for as many bursars, we can build a new student union!"
expand student services
shared administrative functions
What they're really trying to say: Why do we need two people, called "presidents," earning six figures, 14 miles apart?
procurement opportunities
What they're really trying to say: Let's get on some bigger contracts to buy our pens and computers, instead of going it our own.
realignment of academic program offerings
What they're really trying to say: Ever heard of "cutting class"? So have we. Why have two history lectures 14 miles apart?

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